1 – Catching a fly

2 – Drowning a fly

3 – Bringing the fly back to life

The first problem is to catch a live fly. They usually don’t hang around the ritzy bars, but if you are reading this you probably don’t favor those establishments. If you are still reading – just catch a fly. We all know you have done it before.

The second problem is how to drown the fly. Fill a sink with water and place a beer glass in the sink and shake all of the little air bubbles out of it. If you don’t get ALL of the bubbles out of the glass you will be amazed at how long a fly can live off of small bubbles. Invert the glass and place your hand with the fly under the glass. Open your hand and the fly will float up to the top of the beer glass. Leave it in the sink until you are certain the fly is dead (usually about 20 minutes). Betting note – if you are placing wagers on this trick the fly must be drowned in plain tap water. No soap, chemicals, or other additives. Also the water needs to be about room temperature – not hot.

Take the fly out of the glass being careful not to smash him. Lay the fly out on a paper napkin and show everyone in the place that the fly is dead. If anyone doubts you place the fly back in the water until they agree he is dead.

Now that the fly is dead insist that you give him a proper Christian burial. Cover the fly with salt. You can even make a small headstone and have someone say a few words about what a great fly he was. I usually insist that we all drink a round while giving toasts to the fly’s 1,000,000,000,000 surviving relatives. Anyhow you need to wait at least 20 minutes before exhuming the fly from his final resting place (the longer you wait the better). The salt will have crusted over the fly. Break the salt away and the fly will come out as good as new.

Once in England I did not have to buy myself a drink for a week off of this trick.

Peter O. Roach